By Michael Strating, PhD
Many clients come to therapy dysregulated, confused, and overwhelmed by their emotional distress. For some, the more they look to themselves and their own abilities to control their lives and establish some degree of certainty for the future, the more aware they become of their own limitations and lack of control, which perpetuates their anxiety and distress. For others, they may be able to learn and develop some effective skills to help manage their emotions and give them a greater sense of control over their lives, but perhaps only enough to stave off their existential anxieties temporarily until faced with a major life crisis. [1]
For Christian clients, in what ways might emotion regulation be achieved through means that transcend one’s self and one’s circumstances? What might this look like and how might Christian therapists facilitate this in therapy?
A Case Example
A few weeks ago, my sister-in-law (my wife’s sister) and 16-year-old nephew died suddenly in a car accident. Throughout the first week of grief my brother-in-law, Brad, was emotional yet deeply grounded in the hope of his faith. Within the first few hours after the accident, he spoke the following words to his children: “God is good and He is still good, even though we cannot understand this.” At the visitation less than one week later, he lived out and spoke the Gospel message through his grief to each person he encountered. In his opening remarks at the funeral, he stated that there would be a time to share memories of his wife and son, but now is the time to be still and to listen to what the Lord has to say. The theme text for the funeral was the account of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead and Jesus’ declaration that “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live” (John 11:15).
Such strength can only be described as super-natural; it was not a strength that Brad possessed in and of himself, but the strength he received from the Lord who upheld and sustained him. Like the apostle Paul, he experienced the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, because he had learned that the secret of being content in any and every circumstance is to do all things through God who strengthens him (Phil. 4:4-13). This is a product of psychospiritual formation processes that transcend mere within-person change. [2]
Spiritual Formation and the Fruit of the Spirit
Drawing on Puritan writers such as Jonathan Edwards, Dr. Kyle Strobel emphasizes that spiritual formation is primarily about the work of the Holy Spirit and only secondarily about the personal formation of the believer. [3] Spiritual formation is, paradoxically, something that is both received and something that we must actively participate in. The Bible teaches that our new life of faith is a divine gift; we were dead in our sins and made alive together with Christ (Eph. 2:1-10). Indeed, Christ stated that, “Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). And yet, we are also called to actively participate and cooperate in our spiritual growth; to “…work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Phil. 2:12-13). Jonathan Edwards uses the narrative of Jesus turning water into wine (John 2:1-11) to illustrate this process; Jesus called the servants to fill the water jars, however, it was not the servants, but Jesus who was responsible for turning the water into wine.
What does spiritual formation look like? Dornyei describes the Fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23) as “the ideal outcome of a divinely orchestrated transformation process to produce a Christlike character in the believer” (p. 34). [4] The Fruit (singular) is a composite of nine inter-related virtues; namely, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Given that Greek virtue lists often give prominence to the first and last virtues in the list, love is considered the supreme virtue and self-control is a foundational virtue; each of the other facets is dependent on these two key virtues. The unified nature of the Fruit is important both conceptually and practically; it reflects the very character of God and, in practice, virtues need to be balanced [5] and efforts to cultivate nine separate virtues may be demotivating and counterproductive. For the purposes of simplification and practical utility, Dornyei suggests that the Fruit of the Spirit can be thought of in terms of three dimensions, with some virtues mapping onto more than one dimension. These three dimensions are “loving compassion, concerning a compassionate orientation centered around the well-being and needs of others; spiritual contentment, referring to a tranquil disposition of serenity and joyful spiritual peace; and steadfast perseverance, involving self-disciplined and enduring conduct in the face of challenges and adversities” (p. 134-135).
Emotion Regulation and Spiritual Contentment
Surely emotion regulation is facilitated by all three of these dimensions, but for the purposes of this series of blog posts, I will limit myself to spiritual contentment. The key virtues of spiritual contentment are joy and peace, as well as patience and gentleness. Joy is characterized by Christian spiritual delight, rooted in faith and peace, and is differentiated from secular happiness because it is given by the Holy Spirit, it is rooted in hope, and it is shared communally and individually. Indeed, the Apostle Paul writes, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Rom. 15:13). Peace refers to a general sense of well-being and satisfaction with life as a whole and includes both inner tranquility as well as communal harmony. Peace is an attribute of God and something we receive from Him; as Paul writes, “since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ” (Rom. 5:1). Patience can involve waiting for something calmly or putting up with a frustrating person or situation, or even with suffering. James gives the examples of waiting for the coming of the Lord like a farmer waits for his crops and bearing with one another like the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord (Jas. 5:7-10). Lastly, gentleness refers to “a calm, considerate, tender, and measured disposition towards others” (p. 80), which is closely related to meekness (Matt. 5:5) and humility (Jas. 3:13). Not to be confused with weakness, gentleness represents strength under control, much like Roald Dahl’s Big Friendly Giant.
It should be clear based on these descriptions that spiritual contentment is not developed quickly or easily. Consistent with the fruit motif, developing spiritual contentment grows gradually and requires patience and persistence, and consistent with the Spirit motif, it is a gift that is received from God rather than something that can be forced through human effort. Spiritual contentment depends on the believer having a full and accurate understanding of who God is and who I am in relation to God. Furthermore, this understanding cannot be limited to mere intellectual knowledge of facts and information about God, but must also include a personal familiarity with God, experientially and relationally, which motivates and moves the believer to live in accordance with these beliefs and convictions. [6]
Clinical Implications
The above reflections suggest that spiritual contentment should be an important goal and resource for Christian clients. We tend to think of emotion regulation as a set of skills that become activated in response to some particular stressor, but these reflections on spiritual contentment suggest the importance of considering not only the reactive, but also the proactive aspects of emotion regulation. Brad’s faith and hope was grounded in a deep and true understanding of God’s sovereignty and goodness, even in the face of his deep pain following a tragedy that occurred without warning or time for preparation. In hindsight, it seems that God had been preparing Brad for this moment by revealing Himself to Brad consistently for many years, and for that we thank God. A tragedy provides an opportunity not only to draw on pre-existing faith, but also an opportunity to grow faith, not despite but even through suffering (Rom. 5:3-5).
Effective interventions require accurate assessments and case formulations and, as such, should include considerations of the client’s faith. Clients who enter therapy grounded in God and in their faith can draw on their faith to regulate their emotions. In this way, it often does not take long before they are ready to face their pain openly and honestly and so begin processing and working through their grief. The process can be more complicated, however, for clients whose faith is weak, based on an inaccurate understanding of God or self, or is overly intellectualized and insufficiently internalized experientially and relationally. In this case, developing spiritual contentment through the use of spiritual practices, in dependence upon the Holy Spirit, will be a critical component of the therapy. This will include a balanced consideration (in light of the client’s specific situation) of the attributes of God as infinite, eternal, unchangeable, ever-present, all-knowing, all-powerful, holy, just, wise, gracious, and loving. Nevertheless, keeping in mind the principles of spiritual formation mentioned earlier, wise therapists will remind themselves and their clients that spiritual growth is often slow and non-linear, it is accomplished in dependence upon God rather than self-effort and brute force, and it requires a combination of patience and persistence.
In the third and final post in this series, I plan to share a practical strategy for scaffolding emotion regulation skills using lectio divina – a spiritual practice involving a way to meditate on and contemplate God – therapeutically to facilitate emotion regulation through spiritual contentment.
[1]This is not to suggest that there is no value in contemporary counselling interventions for developing emotion regulation skills – indeed, I utilize these techniques regularly in my own practice.
[2]This does not imply that this is the best or only appropriate way to grieve – indeed, Scripture supports alternatives such as expression of anger and lament as well.
[3]Strobel’s Formed for the Glory of God
[4]Dornyei’s The Psychology of the Fruit of the Spirit
[5]This is in recognition that more of a virtue is not always better. For example, excessive courage can lead to foolhardiness, excessive modesty to shyness, excessive altruism to self-destructiveness, excessive prudence and self-control to sins of inaction, and excessive empathy can cloud judgment.
[6]These are allusions to both John Calvin’s assertion that true wisdom consists of two interconnected parts – the knowledge of God and the knowledge of ourselves – as well as Jonathan Edwards’ well-known writings on the Religious Affections.
Dr. Strating completed his Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology at the University of Windsor as well as his residency with the London Clinical Psychology Residency Consortium. His areas of focus include working with relationship concerns, difficulties managing or engaging with emotion, anxiety, panic, anger, grief, depression, self-criticism, perfectionism, trauma, and OCD. He is also experienced in research as well as teaching and supervising therapist trainees.
He is an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Redeemer University and a practicing Clinical Psychologist at Dr. Jared French and Associates.
