By Nathaniel Marino
Losing a person you love and have had present in your life for a long time is one of the hardest things, maybe the hardest thing for any person to endure. But as Christians we know that death is inevitable for all human creatures. The writer of Hebrews tells us, “people are destined to die once.” (1) Death is appointed for all of humanity and yet when it appears in our lives we often are surprised. This is not to bypass the impact of losing someone or to mitigate the shock that accompanies a sudden loss. However, as I’ve observed in many people’s lives including my own, people often go about their days as if death is not the norm for humans; as if death is not the inevitable end result for each and every one of us now or later. Perhaps the impact of losing a loved one or a close relationship is heightened because we fail to remember that “people are destined to die once.”
The initial impact of losing a person in your life is only the first part of that terrible reality but then the grief ensues. The emotional weight of the loss is made heavier as you now have to endure the days to come in their absence: the empty chair around the table, the calls, texts, and notifications that cease, the happy memories now tainted with the present heartache and the longing for new memories that are no longer possible. The grief felt after a loss can be more debilitating than the loss itself. And such grief can be so crippling that it gives way to the third part of the impact of loss—hopelessness. If we’ve gone about our days having forgotten about the reality of death until that reality is forced back before us to witness and bitterly endure after, the days to come once sunny have now greyed. The enjoyment of life now suffers under the dominion of loss and grief.
What can be done? Do we consign ourselves to this new reality of loss and grief with more to come? Do we strive to just embrace our future days with grey skies and take solace in the glimmers of light that pierce through the darkness?
No.
And if I’m honest with myself, the darkness, though it has not initially consumed all, will eventually do so. I will experience the death of others again and the grief that comes with it. My skies that have partially greyed will become darker. And what hope I have tried to make for myself will wither and fail me.
But as a Christian, I can say, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.” (2) As followers of Christ we have an unfailing hope in him that overcomes death and transforms our grief. And we need to be taught and reminded regularly of these truths.
In my next post I will help us to understand how developing a proper, personal theology of evil, death, suffering, and redemption is the best way for us as Christians to encounter death, experience loss, persevere through grief, and remain hopeful in the assured redemption we have in Christ.
(1) All scripture references taken from the 2011 New International Version of the Holy Bible.
(2) 1 Peter 1:3.
Nathaniel (Nate) Marino, MA, is Assistant Professor of Psychology at Houston Christian University, with graduate degrees in Research and Experimental Psychology (Rutgers University–Camden) and Theological Studies (Houston Christian University). His research centers on social and personality psychology, with particular focus on moral cognition and behavior and the development of character and virtue. He is also deeply interested in the philosophical and methodological foundations of modern psychology, particularly in reframing them through a distinctly Christian worldview. Flowing from this, Nate is committed to pursuing psychological inquiry that is Christ-centered and biblically and theologically grounded. In future work, he hopes to explore how a Christ-centered psychology might shape Christian culture and church life, including discipleship, spiritual formation, church governance, evangelism, and practical theology.
