By Dr. Nicolene Joubert
Listening to a sermon on Ps 134 lead me reflecting on my journey of faith. Ps 134 is the last psalm in the Songs of Ascents consisting of Psalms 120 – 134. These psalms have been traditionally sung by the Israelites as they made their pilgrimage to Jerusalem for the annual feasts. A pilgrimage is one of the liminal spaces indicated in the Bible. It is an in-between space that speaks of our mission into the world and is part of our spirituality narrative described in the Bible. The bible mentions several liminal spaces, such as the desert, the wilderness, exile and the grave. These spaces are times that are difficult to navigate because God uses them to change and prepare us for our mission.
Pondering my journey of faith, took me back to my childhood years. Sundays were seen as the Lord’s Day, and no official work was done. Morning and evening church services were diligently attended by the whole family. My Dad, the son of a minister (my grandfather) was an elder and prominent leader in the church. Sunday lunches ended with a reading from the Bible and we, my siblings and I, had to tell him what we can remember of the reading. This was my favorite part of the day. Once in a while he would suddenly ask us what we are reading in the Bible by ourselves. These are some of my fondest memories and the conscious start of my pilgrimage – my journey of faith.
Listening to the sermon on Psalm 134 made me wonder how my faith journey fit in with the Songs of Ascents. The pilgrimage started from a place of distress described in Psalm 120: “In my distress, I called to the Lord, and he answered me”. This Psalm speaks of reflecting on the burdens of life and preparing one’s heart for the journey. The challenges of life often conflict with our faith and lead to seeking God’s help and protection. Psalm 121 expressed this as looking up to the hills and asking the question, “From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord.” The gaze to God continues in Psalm 123 when the pilgrim pleads for mercy in the trials they face. Gazing to God is an expression of hope to complete the journey.
Reflecting on my life story in the light of these Songs, helped me to recognize the places of distress where I have started another part of my journey to get closer to my final destination. One such place was the loss of my son, 13 years ago to depression and suicide. I have started a journey of complicated grief, deeply distressed while I pleaded for mercy, and the capacity to keep standing. I clung onto hope in God for several years, looking for answers. During this time, I have traveled with other pilgrims, expressing mutual support and understanding of the importance of God as a builder of our house (Psalms 124 – 127). I concluded that the journey should not be traveled alone, but in relation with others.
Each challenge I faced and overcame brought me closer to God and rendered spiritual rewards. Psalm 128 speaks of blessings for those who fear the Lord. I have searched my own heart and soul for areas where I failed my child and repented and searched for forgiveness (Psalm 130). As the intensity of the grief began to abate, and my sense of inner peace started to return, I could experience the goodness of God again. It took a long time, but I finally arrived at the temple for songs of joy and worship (Psalm 134). I have moved through my liminal space and reached my destination of peace and acceptance. I was ready to bless and worship God with all my heart, soul and mind.
Everybody who goes through a liminal space is faced with a process of change. If the space is filled with hope and trust in God, and his divine protection and guidance, it leads to spiritual rewards and transformation. It also leads to a deeper level of communion and fellowship with others. My journey of deep grief came to a closure with a celebration of gratitude and joy. A deep sense of trust in God’s goodness and mercy that will last forever settled in my soul.
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3: 22-23.
Nicolene Joubert is a registered Counselling Psychologist, trauma therapist and educator. She holds a PhD in Psychology (Northwest University) and a Masters degree in Online and Distance Education (Open University UK). She is the founder and head of the Institute of Christian Psychology in South Africa, now the Institute for Christian Practitioners (www.icp.org.za).
She has been a practicing psychologist for 37 years and her fields of specialty includes: Christian spirituality and worldview in the healing process, trauma counselling, bereavement and dealing with loss, family therapy, career counselling, lifespan development and challenges and dealing with chronic or life-threatening illnesses.
She is an associate professor of Christian Psychology and Counseling at Houston Baptist University (HBU), Texas, US. She is also a postgraduate supervisor at the South African Theological Seminary (SATS).
