In Christianese, people-pleasing is often referred to as “the fear of man,” and it is frequently regarded as a sin that should be “put to death.” The two go-to verses that are cited to support this view are:
Proverbs 29:25 (NIV): “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.”
Galatians 1:10 (NIV): “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Because of these verses, whenever I work with clients who struggle with people-pleasing or the fear of man, they often come to me with a desire to “put it to death” or “repent of this sin.” But here’s the question: Is people-pleasing truly sin?
You might be surprised to hear that I challenge the automatic assumption that people-pleasing is sinful. Many people treat it the same way they treat anger. We often hear that anger is sinful and needs to be eradicated, but the Bible tells us, “In your anger, do not sin.” (Ephesians 4:26). This suggests that anger itself is not inherently sinful; it’s what we do with it that determines whether it leads to sin. I would argue that people-pleasing operates in much the same way. So, let’s dive deeper into this question and explore why I believe people-pleasing isn’t automatically sinful.
Humans are Multi-Faceted Beings
To understand people-pleasing, we need to examine its roots from two perspectives: the theological concept of Imago Dei (the image of God) and a sociological understanding of human behavior.
A. Made to Desire Love and Approval
First, we need to recognize that our desire for love and approval is not a flaw—it’s part of our design. One of the most profound proofs of this is the love and approval God extends to us. God’s most significant provision for his children is His love, which we see in Scripture:
Psalm 136:26 (ESV): “Give thanks to the God of heaven, for His steadfast love endures forever.”
Isaiah 43:3-4 (MSG): “Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That’s how much you mean to me! That’s how much I love you! I’d sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you.”
God’s love is unwavering and unconditional to those who are in Christ, and it’s part of our divine design to seek approval and affirmation. These deep desires are embedded into our very being, and they find their perfect fulfillment in God alone.
B. Raised to Work for Love and Approval
While God’s love is constant, human love, unfortunately, is not. From a young age, we are taught—sometimes unintentionally—that love and approval are conditional. Our parents, who mean well, often tie their affection to our achievements or behavior. They may celebrate our successes, but their disappointment in our failures can send the subtle message that their love is dependent on our performance. Over time, we internalize this, thinking that we must earn love and approval through accomplishments or perfection.
We also experience rejection from others. Whether it’s from peers, teachers, or others in authority, humans can be unkind and harsh, which reinforces the idea that approval and acceptance are things to be earned. The fear of rejection becomes ingrained, and our minds begin to link people-pleasing behaviors with avoiding pain and gaining acceptance.
At a societal level, we reward achievement and productivity, often valuing those who contribute in visible or measurable ways. As a result, we learn that to be valuable and not a “burden,” we must constantly perform and please those around us.
So When Does People-Pleasing Become Sinful?
Here’s where it gets complicated. Living in a fallen world, we often seek fulfillment from things other than God. This is where people-pleasing can cross the line. While it’s natural to seek approval, we begin to sin when we allow the fear of man to completely override our trust in God. When we begin to live only to please people—sacrificing our identity, integrity, or values to avoid rejection or gain approval—that’s when people-pleasing becomes a snare.
In our brokenness, we may even abandon God’s provision for us in favor of seeking validation from others. It becomes sinful when we let fear control us to the point where we ignore our need for God’s love, and we cave to the pressure of others at the expense of our relationship with Him.
Where Do We Go from Here?
- Acknowledge the Human Desire for Approval: First, we need to recognize that the desire to be liked, accepted, or to avoid rejection is a human instinct. These desires are not inherently sinful—they reflect our longing for connection and love. But the key is to acknowledge that God has already provided the love and approval we seek.
- Heal from Our Brokenness: Many of us have learned faulty beliefs: “I am only loved if I perform” or “I must be a certain way to be accepted.” These beliefs need healing. We must allow God to heal our hearts and transform our minds, learning to trust in His unconditional love and approval rather than seeking it from external sources.
I love how the Message translation of Proverbs 29:25 expresses this: “The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that.”
This verse reminds us that the fear of man, when allowed to control us, disables our ability to function freely and authentically. But when we trust in God, He frees us from this debilitating fear.
This truth resonates with what Jesus teaches in John 15. He calls us to abide in Him, to remain connected to Him, so that we may bear fruit. It is only by relying on Jesus and His strength that we can learn to navigate our desires and allow them to be fulfilled in Him rather than in the approval of others.
At the end of the day, people-pleasing is not about simply “dying” to a desire for approval—it’s about redirecting that desire toward God, who satisfies us fully. When we abide in Him and rely on His love, we are free to live authentically, without being controlled by the fear of man.
Bethel Webb, EdD (Southern Seminary) was born in Manila and was raised in Laoag City, Philippines. She works with Dr. Eric Johnson as the Communication Director for Christian Psychology Institute and the Care Manager for Practical Shepherding. Additionally, she provides counseling for pastors’ wives, women in ministry, and pastors’ kids.
Bethel lives in Louisville, KY with her husband, Kevin and newborn son.
You can learn more about Bethel and her work here.
