By Benjamin Andrews
Spiritual formation rests on the foundation of collective Christian wisdom, developed through the past 2,000 years of pastoral care, spiritual disciplines and practice, spiritual direction and reflection, and pursuing intimacy Christ through human experience (including profound suffering). Selecting a single technique among all that have been passed down is difficult. Luckily, one of the best is also one of the simplest and shortest, and it can be incorporated into therapy sessions or homework easily. It’s called “Looking at Jesus looking at me.”*
To practice this exercise, I would suggest reading through instructions first, then implementing them together (as your eyes will need to be closed when doing it) in three short steps: visualizing self, visualizing God looking at you, and responding to God. Troubleshooting tips are provided if needed, but if you get stuck on the first step, simply move on. While the first step can enhance the others, the others are more important.
Step 1: Take a moment to close your eyes, then imagine yourself in your mind’s eye. Let your mind imagine you looking on the outside exactly how you feel on the inside. As you look at this imagined version of you, notice who you see: your posture, your facial expression and appearance, etc. This does not need to be forced or even interpreted; just let your imagination conjure the image of you with whatever comes to mind naturally.
Troubleshooting step 1: If you get stuck on this step, one of these tips may help:
1). Try not to mentally “censor” yourself. We all know how to say, “I’m fine, how are you?” when someone asks how we are, to be polite even when we’re angry, to resist the urge to cry in front of others, etc. In essence, we all can put on a socially acceptable mask. If you have trouble with this step, give yourself permission to take the mask off and envision yourself exactly as you’re feeling.
2). If you’re not sure how you feel at the moment, take 30-60 seconds to notice your body’s physical sensations, any thoughts you may be having, or any desires/motivations you have to do something. As you become aware of them and how they are related to one another, they can help you identify your emotional experience. If it remains hard to identify how you feel, you can try tip #3 or proceed to Step 2.
3). If you’re not sure how you feel, you can also take 30-60 seconds for a quick review of your circumstances. Try asking yourself, “What are the main things for me right now?” Your mind should begin to populate a list automatically. Without focusing on any one in great detail, you will likely notice a variety of internal responses (e.g., feeling pressured to get everything done today, worry about a family member, sadness about a recent event, etc.). The temptation will be to get lost in these thoughts. Do NOT think too much about them; instead, simply notice how you feel about them, and then return to the exercise with awareness of how you feel.
4). Don’t force strong emotions. If you’re emotions are of low intensity, just imagine yourself looking calm or experiencing mild emotions.
Step 2: Once you have that version of you in mind, imagine looking at God as He looks at you with love for you. Let yourself see him in your mind’s eye, as His gaze rests upon you, seeing you exactly as you are and loving you wholly. Rest in the awareness of his loving gaze for 30-60 seconds.
Troubleshooting: If this proves challenging, try one of these tips:
1). If it is hard to imagine God looking at you, trying imagining Jesus. For some, the embodied, human reality of God in the flesh is easier to imagine than God, who doesn’t necessarily have a physical form.
2). If this feels hollow, try calling to mind theological realities. You are not imagining that God is looking at you – He is looking at you. You are not imagining God loving you – He is loving you right now. God is ever-present, all-knowing, in His very nature true love, and He in relationship with you. As the Psalmist says, “Where can I go to escape your presence?” God sees all things, and he knows us deeper than we know ourselves. These are not imaginary; you are just using your imagination to taste a truer reality.
3). If still difficult, it may simply help to envision Jesus on the Cross. As He hangs, He looks up and catches your eye, and in it, there is only love. Rest in the knowledge that He endured the cross “for the joy set before Him.” Consider: Chist said, “No one takes [my life] from me, but I lay it down of my own accord.” He did not die because he had to, but because he chose to. He did not have to die because you are sinner. He chose to die because He wanted to forgive you and restore you to himself. Resist the temptation to shame, instead embracing the Gospel: the most fundamental truth about you is that God wants you.
Step 3: Take a few moments to respond to God’s love for you. For example, this could mean offering some of your emotions to God, allowing God to embrace you, embracing Him, or even physically doing something in response (e.g., kneeling, prostrating, lifting your head or hands, etc.). Conclude your prayer with gratitude for God’s love for you and a request to extend His love to yourself and others around you.
I encourage therapists and clients to make this practice routine and habitual. As an individual exercise, you can guide a client through this exercise like you would any other visualization technique, and as needed, you can stop to process parts of the experience. As homework, it’s easiest to suggest clients combine this exercise with a time that they would pray already. I suggest making this an “introductory” act of prayer before they engage in the rest of the prayer (whether it be for food/meals, with coffee in the morning, before bed, etc.).
*I am indebted to Valerie MacIntyre, who introduced me to a version of this practice and, in doing so, helped me encounter God in the darkest times, long after I had lost hope of doing so. To her, to Saint Ignatius who first wrote about this practice, and especially to God who pursued me through them, I am inexpressibly grateful.
Ben is a licensed psychologist who works with adults encountering a variety of challenges in their lives, including anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, OCD, history of trauma, addiction, and bipolar disorder. He is particularly interested in faith and spirituality as they arise during the course of therapy, and he also enjoys supporting others in the helping professions (therapists/counselors, social workers, doctors, nurses, pastors and priests, etc.).
